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'Ponine

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i'll never leave you again [05 Jun 2003|09:19pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | "Bui Doi" -Miss. Saigon ]

grrr...I really hate my father. Yesterday was my sisters concert and my mom went to go see it and my dad was supossed to come see my concert tonight. And this probably sounds really stupid to alot of people, but I really want people to come to something I'm in and tell me what was good and what was bad and junk like that. But before I left for the concert my dad offerd to get my something to eat, but I said no because I can't eat then sing...my voice sounds all cracky and weird if I do, so I asked him if he could take my after the concert and he said, "sure" Then in the car of the way to the concert he was like, "Everyone treats me like shit, what would you do if I killed someone? Would you came visit me in jail?" and I said no, because I am horribaly against killing. Then he told me that he wasn't coming to my concert and that I should find a ride home. I was really sad about him not coming and I was really scared about that whole killing thing...cause he was serious, but I decided to act all happy at the concert for 4 reasons:
1) Sarah gets annoyed when I'm sad
2) You need to be happy with alot of the songs we did
3) To practice acting
4) I didn't want people asking me if I was okay or anything
So I got a ride home from Kathryn after the concert and my dad had stayed home to hang out with the drunk, 3 toothed, (and I think druggie) neighbor, Jeff. I am scared to death of Jeff so when my dad asked how the concert was I said, "good" and ran into the house. Then my dad and Jeff went "To go get lottery tickets" in the car...but I didn't know where they were going, because they never told me. Then my mom came home and I told her I was hungry and asked if she would take me to Burger King because kKay got to go there, and I was supossed to go after the concert, but my dad was still gone. So my mom was all confused and was like, "Where's your father? Didn't he do to your concert?" and I told her that he didn't go, and she got really mad at him and sad for me. When my dad got home my mom yelled at him for not going, not feeding me and not suporting me, and my dad made up all this crap that he talked to me after the concert and asked me if I was hungry, WHICH HE DIDN'T DO. So my mom got in the car and I got in with her and we left to get food. I told my mom that I was sorry for making the night bad, and that I shouldn't have mentioned it, but she said that it was my dad's fault. Then we came back after we got food and my dad told my mom that she was needed back at work, so she left and I sat down at the table to eat. "Does it taste good?" my dad asked about the food and I nodded then he said, "I'm sure it tastes wonderful, with everyone yelling and fighting because of you. Your dead grandfather would be real proud of you, just siting on your ass, You ruin everything!" I really felt like crying but didn't. I'm really about my dad doing something crazy...like killing someone, like he said in the car, I can't wait till my mom gets home again...I feel so unsafe right now.

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